This has probably been the hardest day yet, not least because we both woke up with an unsettled stomach and needed to walk 44km/28 miles to Greystoke. Yep, Greystoke, legend of Tarzan, this is apparently the inspiration for his ancestral home. We even have MGM memorabilia outside our room in the local pub come restaurant come BnB.

As for the whodunnit mystery of the food poisoning though, was this the culprit?

Our first, and potentially last ever, deep fried Mars bar last night.

I’m sure if Heston Blumenthal had made this it would be piping hot and crispy on the outside, giving way with a sort of melty crunch to gooey chocolate/caramel/nougat heaven inside. It may even have featured popping candy or liquid nitrogen to delight the senses.

However, we were at Memet’s Cinebar Fryery, Gretna, that deep fries anything that doesn’t move: fish, scampi, chicken pakoras, pizzas, you name it, it has probably been deep fried here. As a result, the deep fried Mars bar tasted a little like everything else that had been fried in the same oil that night, and a little dehydrated from being left in it for a little longer than needed.

The fish and chips we had with it, on the other hand, would have benefited from an extra couple of minutes in hot oil, then they too would have been crispy not chewy.

So, with Scottish porridge sitting even more heavily than normal in our stomachs this morning, if that is possible, we made our way out of Gretna Green and very rapidly into England. This felt like a proper thing, an indication that we are walking solidly south, not just “around Scotland” for a bit.

Fairly rapidly we also met the suburbs of Carlisle and the usual takeaway, takeaway, takeaway, takeaway, barbers, beauty salon combo we have come to know and laugh at.

We weren’t laughing for long though as at least this combo also comes with pavement. The next 8 hours did not.

We have blisters on our heels, not from walking in a straight line, but rather stepping up and down off an ankle twisty verge 20 times an hour between Carlisle and Greystoke to dodge cars.

We did finally arrive in Greystoke in one piece.

Having fantasised about some proper food for several hours, that cannot be deep fried, and found an excellent example menu online that featured things like pheasant breast and vegetables, unfortunately, we have arrived on pizza and burger night.

The burgers are average, that’s all I can say and the chips and onion rings, obviously, deep fried. I am craving salad and vitamins.

At least we may sleep well tonight if the room temperature gets above 10 degrees C from having all the windows open. Presumably it’s so we can hear Tarzan…..

Distance – count them all – 44.85km, 2km longer than a marathon. Every day is shorter from here on in.