Things you learn whilst unemployed #53. January 22nd 2015

So, the focus of my cleaning wrath this week is my oven and my weapon of choice in the pictures. I clean my oven regularly, on a strict schedule, once every redundancy, so twice in 10 years now. As you can see in the image, this oven cleaner says it cleans first time, no scrubbing, all implements provided and it is recommended by people who are actually GOOD housekeepers. What’s not to love. Well, let’s start with the bag for “a maximum of two racks”. Now I went wild and crazy in my youth and bought a double oven. With two shelves in each bit plus the racks down the side to support said shelves, I’ve got 8 of these things. “Tackles racks AND grills” and “only if you can choose your favourite 2/8 racks you want clean” doesn’t appear to me to be mutually compatible. So, six racks go into a bag filled with Alien blood, I’m not buying two of something that works first time. And believe me this is Alien blood, crossed with the fluid they used to dispose of bodies in Breaking Bad. It dissolved the first cloth I used, despite stating to apply “with a sponge/cloth”. They provide gloves thankfully, but once again, the first mention of these INSIDE the pack is “these are for convenience only, longer gloves are recommended”. Why didn’t they just be honest and say “these gloves are a bit shit but some bright spark in marketing said we wouldn’t be able to sell the pack unless it was an all in one solution and the guy in accounts said we could only spend 20p on the gloves. The slight burning sensation you will get on the skin of your right thumb after use of these gloves will subside.” The results? Not bad, I have to say. Six racks came out looking almost as good as new. I could make a colour chart of the stuff that will be left untouched by this product though, necessitating the purchase of a second pack. Fifty shades of brown – fine; black, forget it. The “no scrubbing required” also provides more hope than factual information, I am certainly nowhere near having a “sparkling clean” oven. So I would definitely question “unbeatable results”. On my rigorous schedule of oven cleaning, I intend to buy a new oven before cleaning this one again, and expect the new one to be MUCH cleaner. A more honest statement would perhaps be “unbeatable results if all you have is the £3 this cost on special offer”. Lesson ended.

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